did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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