well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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