We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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