hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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