i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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