I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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