Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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