it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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