Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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