Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize