i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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