Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
