I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
