sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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