Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
