I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
