I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
