Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
