zippers are such a cool invention
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
