Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
