So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
