Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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