Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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