I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
