he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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