I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
