The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
