It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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