The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize