I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
