If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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