Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
