i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
