Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize