Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
