i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
