just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
