I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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