You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We left the knife in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need water and some morals
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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