Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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