chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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