you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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