You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
