You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
