I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
