I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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