I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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