It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
