My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize