so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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