So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
