This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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