we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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