NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
