i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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