And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
