And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
