im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
