he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
love makes seman taste better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
