I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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