We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's rum buckets o'clock
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
