I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
