five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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