I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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