I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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