we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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